Key idea: If how couples argue predicts breakup, teaching them to argue differently should help. That is the idea behind couples' programmes.
What couples learn
1
Speaker and listener
One talks about one problem; the other repeats it back before answering.
2
Soft start
Begin with 'I feel' rather than an attack on the partner.
3
Time out
Take a break when anger rises, and agree to come back.
4
Repair
Small gestures after conflict: a joke, an apology, a touch.
Speak · Listen · Pause · Repair
A strategy for improving relationships: Couples' programmes teach communication skills: speaking about one problem at a time, listening and repeating back, and taking breaks when angry. They aim to replace the four warning signs.
Markman and colleagues (1993) followed couples who took a communication skills programme (PREP) and similar couples who did not. Years later, the course couples talked more positively and fewer had split up.
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Key idea: Skills training has good evidence for motivated couples; who takes part matters.
Strengths
- Targets behaviours linked to breakup
- Practical and teachable early
- Followed for years
Limitations
- Couples chose to take part
- Effects may fade
- Built on US couples
A strategy can also change thinking (blaming attributions) or circumstances (stress), not only talk.
Watch out: Self-selection. Couples who choose a course may already be more committed.